Some of you know me personally, and some of you don’t. For those of you who don’t, I’m going to let you in on a little “secret.” I’ve been dealing with insomnia for a pretty good portion of my adult life. When I was younger, it was fine. I could use the time to be productive, I was a rock star, whatever. As time went on, insomnia took over more frequently, it affected my metabolism, and I had to seek help.
Why am I telling you this? Because I’m wrapped around a cup of coffee this morning like it’s a life preserver on a string, that’s why.
My insomnia is directly tied into two other issues, which are often co-morbid. I have ADHD, which has been part of my life since childhood. And I have anxiety, which my medical team believes is responsible for my insomnia. Part of the issue I’m having right now is that when my sleep patterns aren’t what they should be, I have a harder time managing my ADHD. This means I don’t get everything done that I need to get done, which makes me more anxious. I wind up having to stay up later, or else I just can’t sleep, which…
Well, you’re smart people. You know where this goes.
So yes, I am getting help for this. I am doing what I can to manage it, but sometimes things flare up. All you can do is forgive yourself (it’s not like we can control it, 99% of the time) and move forward. All of this is why I found myself sitting up until five in the morning today playing my most stupid “turn your brain off” computer game.
I hope I’ll get more sleep tonight. I’m not going to try to watch the Yankee game. They’re on the West Coast, and I need to get up pretty early. I’m going to do some crochet to help me wind down – it’s meditative, really, and I also get the little sense of having accomplished something. With any luck, I’ll be more focused next week, and better able to make real progress.